A summary of Christmas: The days between Christmas and the 2nd, when I left with Eli and Nix to drive back to Clemson, were filled with mostly socializing with the family, much of which included just lazing about, and playing with the nieces and nephews. I took some time to see some of my friends still in the area, but there were still many I didn’t get to visit with.
On Sunday the 27th, we interred Mom’s ashes. Once again I found myself surprised at the lack of connection I had with the occasion. It was good to be a part of, to see and experience, and yet the most emotional part of it for me was the feeling of being needed as I did my part to comfort other family members. It was a small affair, just the family was there… but every child, child-in-law, and grandchild was with Dad as he was able to progress the healthy cycle of accepting loss.
It was really good for me to be surrounded by family for those days, even for those familiar times of conflict that verged on downright arguments.
So I’ve been back at Clemson for a week, including half a week of classes. My schedule seems pretty good: I am taking 7 classes (21 credits) 3 of which have labs, and I have no classes on Fridays. I have already found a job working at Mr. Knickerbocker’s Greek Gallery, an apparel store that focuses on supplying the Greek life on campus. So I will have a very full schedule, but I am fitting back in socially so I think I will have a good ability to relax from the stress that will build up from my heavy course load.
Speaking of my social life, the social connection I have with the other students in CSM has not changed much from when I left at the end of last year: I know a few by name and sit next to some of them, but don’t really socialize outside of class. The slight difference is my connection with the others from Australia. I have three CSM classes, one with Ryan and Laura, one with Alex and Laura, and one with just Laura (as far as Australia students are concerned).
While in Oz I pondered on this idea: how would things be between us Aussies after we returned. I asked Laura what she thought, but she has a much more established friendship with a number of the other CSM students and I’m sure that is the reason for the variation in her answer with what I knew to be true for me. I don’t fully remember her response, but it was much more optimistic than mine. I’m afraid that after two days I’m getting the feeling that what I suspected is quickly coming true. I’m afraid that for some reason, I am too cowardly, too shy, too passive aggressive, too timid to do anything more than acknowledge their existence and hold conversations in passing only.
I just hope that I can find the courage, confidence, and means to reestablish at least one of those connections. I have never felt the need to have a plan of attack, but now I do, and I am feeling very inexperienced. I have hope that my connection to those three may again return to one that I am happy with, but it will just take some time, and I’m always grudging to let things flow as they will without trying to speed up the current.
My apartment, at the address:
102 Calhoun St. Unit 113
Clemson, SC. 29631
I have my own bedroom, but I share the apartment with 3 other guys. It’s a really good setup, the guys seem to be pretty good, we’re not too far from campus, and the space is pretty large, not to mention really inexpensive! I have a feeling this will be a good home-away-from-home for the
term… perhaps I’ll live here next year too.
Well, despite being a Saturday, I must do some studying. Not only do I have a heavy course load, but two of my classes are continuations from last term and I have quite a bit of catching up to do. Besides I want to be productive for the next 1.5 hours before I go to a little game night. Things are stable here, and I hope you who read this (whether that be my future self) are doing well now. Now, and for the rest of this indefinite space of time until I communicate with you again…
Peace.
